At The Risk of Sounding Cheezy…
What is this word, “cheezy”?
What does it actually mean?
Why must it be inserted to detract from so many meaningful and positive statements of love and compassion?
“Not to sound cheezy”…”I don’t mean to sound like I care”….”I’m not wanting you think I’m weak”…. “I don’t want you to get the impression that I give a f**k”.
It is my belief that the fear of “sounding cheezy” is the number one cause of compliments not given, relationships not being nurtured, and affection not being shown. Von and I talk about this briefly in the Beefcake Podcast #9, and we will be talking about it more in Episode #10.
I am as guilty as anyone. Often, as I am paying a compliment or preparing to say something nice, I lead into it with something like, “Not to sound cheezy, but….”. This is my insecurity shining through. This is my self-doubt being thrown right in your direction. This is my being afraid that you are going to think that I am weak, or not tough, or not a man. Where did this start?
I think that our society has a pre-determined idea of what goes into being a “man”. Unfortunately, I think that men are the ones who created the falsehoods regarding what is required of manliness. Men generally don’t want to be viewed as loving, caring and nurturing- we want to be rough, tough, and mean. The roughness, toughness, and mean-ness, I have found, is usually based around an underlying fear or insecurity. I know this because I have spent most of my life trying to be a tough guy, while also being fearful and insecure. Not being affectionate, caring, and compassionate has nothing to do with being or not being manly, and everything to do with being uncomfortable and an unwillingness to be vulnerable.
It’s crazy how much discomfort can go into saying something nice to someone, or paying a compliment. For some people, saying the words, “I love you” is the scariest thing they can imagine. I am not suggesting that you run out and tell everyone with which you shake hands that you love them. But, what I am saying is that people like, need, and deserve compliments in order to help them be better people. I can assure you that the risk of anyone truly believing that you are a cheezeball because you paid them a compliment is very, very small. I have received many, many texts from grown men who have just wanted to let me know that they were thinking about me, they love, and they hope I am well. At no point in time did I ever feel anything less than overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation for for having these people in my life. Never once did I shake my head at my phone, and think, “what a cheeze” or “what a pu**y”. It just doesn’t work that way.
I will not speak disclaimers, warnings, or give explanations regarding what my compliments to you, say about me. That is just like me- I am paying YOU the compliment and I try to make it something about ME. How incredibly selfish and corwardice? But you, my friend are not selfish and cowardice. You are a good person who is learning to be better, just like me. So let’s get over ourselves, if only momentarily, and pay someone the compliment they deserve…and not just because you are trying to screw them (that is a completely different topic, altogether).
Peace, Love, and all things, Beef related,