I am fresh off of my recent back injury, and I have made the decision to register for The Mightymite Triatholon in Forrest City, AK on July 26. I registered for this because…I lack the ability to reason, and a friend asked me to do it. My friend happens to be about 14 years younger, 70lbs lighter, and in phenomenal shape, but it seemed like a good way to maintain focus. I made my first CrossFit workout since my injury, and it was awesome! Coach John spoke to me in the exact same tone in which I speak to my 4year old daughter, when I realize that she is only capable of processing about 4 words (ex. Stay Right Here… Don’t Move… Stop Kissing Your Brother… DONT TELL YOUR MOMMA). John said to me, “Beef, YOU ARE INJURED. Repeat after me. You are injured. Take it easy”. For once in my life, I chose to listen, kinda, at least for that workout, on that day.
The next day, i was healed. It was a miracle, a sign from God. I’m sure that John felt the same way, but I chose not to ask his opinion, for obvious reasons. I felt SO good, that the only logical thing to do was to spend $1,000 on a new bike and all the bullsh*t that goes with it.
I don’t know if I lack impulse control, have some kind of compulsion disorder, or just don’t have any sense, and quite frankly, I don’t really give a f-ck. All i know, is that I have been this way my entire life. If I want it, I get. There is no waiting, planning, or plotting. I want to do it before I talk myself out of it. It’s genetic. My dad is the same way. He once bought a banjo because of an episode of Hee-Haw he watched years ago. He heard a song that he liked on the radio, when I was about 10 years old, on the way to Florida. We pulled off the interstate, bought the CD and listened to the same song for 10 HOURS. I am sh*tting you negative. When I say he is like me, i mean that he is f*cking nuts. His brain don’t work right. He is the happiest, most positive person that I know, and he lacks the ability to worry about bulls*it that is not important, and truthfully, there is very little that is “important”. It is amazing that the both of us can function outside of an institution, without full time care.
Enough about that, lets focus more on my wise decision to sign up for a triathlon. So, after dropping a smooth grand on a piece of equipment that is about as foreign to me as a set of bagpipes, I decided that the only logical thing to do was to mount this bitch, and ride it tell I broke, it broke, or someone ran over us, and broke both of us. I had some running to do for Coach Von. The workout was:
10 Minute Warm Up
6X400M runs with 3:00minutes rest in between
I live in Byhalia, MS. For whatever reason, i thought it would be a good idea to ride my new bike from my house to the Olive Branch City Park track, and perform my running drills, at about 3:30 in the afternoon. I rode the 9.6miles to the track, did my drills, and am fairly certain that I suffered a coronary, had a heat stroke, suffered 3massive heart attacks, was beaten up by a lady, raped by a midget, blacked out, and kissed Jesus on the mouth, all before I found myself back home, wondering what the f-ck had just happened. The sh*t that happens to fat, lazy people, when they try to become less fat, lazy people is not talked about often enough. When you combine meat, heat, and a bicycle seat…. things are gonna get real, pretty quick like. To say that i was “chaffed” is the understatement to end all understatements. You could have lit a crack pipe off of my nipples, and heated a pot of soup on my ass crack. There is no doubt, that a satellite view from space would have detected geothermal readings, that would have linked the heat radiating from my thighs, to the melting of the polar ice caps. I was like an overweight ET with glowing nipples, instead of fingers, and an ass light. Judging by the amount of Gold Bond spread across my bed sheets, my bedroom looked like I had come off one helluva night with Pablo Escobar. Some dinner, a good nights sleep and a little rest took care of all these things, and I have never felt more focused. I am back in the game and ready to keep progressing, however slowly. Staying positive, feeling the flow, and loving my coaches and CrossFit family.
Peace, Love, and all things Beef related.