About twelve years ago, I took a shot to the eyeball from a bungee cord. The initial impact was so hard that I immediately lost sight in my left eye. Within about an hour, I had already accepted that I would never be able to see out of that eye again. It was a pretty devastating blow.

Within a few hours and a trip to the hospital and an optometrist’s office, I could see fine (except for the 3-4 percocets  and half-dozen vodka and OJ’s had me a bit blurry.) I was told that because of the trauma, I was at high risk for glaucoma and would need to have my eye checked out annually.

Twelve years later, I decided to have my eyes checked.

The risk of going blind is not concerning enough to make an annual trip to the doctor. The threat of lung cancer is not great enough to keep me from smoking. The possibility of overdosing is not enough to keep me off drugs. The idea of cirrhosis is not threatening enough to keep me from drinking. The knowledge that exposure to the sun is not scary enough to cause me to wear sunscreen. The studies that demonstrate the risk in handling pesticides are not in-depth enough to make me exercise proper caution when working with them. And yet….

I am one of the more anxious and fearful people I know.

What would cause someone who has almost no concerns of mortality to worry?

I fear losing my business.

I fear failure.

I worry about not being liked and accepted.

I stress about living under a bridge AT LEAST once a month after paying the mortgage.

I am scared of being broke…not even being broke, so much as the world knowing that I went broke, and therefore a failure.

I fear being alone and unloved.

I am afraid of being exposed as a phony and a fraud.

Basically, I am concerned that my ego will be bruised or even shattered.

The death of my ego would be something to celebrate. Its livelihood is what gives me problems. Maybe the mortality of my ego, or at least the shrinking of it, should be what gets priority.

Over-inflated ego while under-dressed and in disguise is a real problem.

Ego incognito….that should be a band name.

Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,

Beefcake

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