I picked a terrible day to shave my ass.
My entire body feels like it is made of sandpaper and needles.
It is hot in Mississippi. I work outside. Some days require fifteen or more miles of walking behind a fertilizer spreader in blue jeans and a cotton shirt. Needless to say, sometimes thing rub together a little bit more than I would like. Chafe season can be brutal in the south; I will do most anything to minimize the discomfort.
As a person who makes terrible decisions, I thought it would be a good idea to take to the interwebs and ask them what they thought about the idea of shaving my body. Seeing how drastic measures are the only kind of change I am willing to make, the idea of taking sheers to the sheep seemed like a good idea. The response that I received to my queries involving shaving my body came back with a resounding:
No.
Do Not Shave Your Body.
Wax…mmmm… possibly…but do not shave…for whatever reason…do not shave.
Naturally, I shaved.
The result?
It’s awful. Everything hurts. My back feels like I am being clawed by a Bengal Tiger and my ass feels like someone took a belt sander and attached 20-grit paper to it that has been soaked in alcohol and battery acid.
Will I do again?
Probably.
Why?
I don’t want the internet to be right. It is not that I mind being wrong as much as I don’t want someone else to be right. I am 100% willing to repeat a bad decision that I have already proven doesn’t work if it means the possibility of different results and proving someone else to be wrong.
My way of doing things sounds incredibly stupid (and I am not arguing that it is not) but we see it every day. How many of us get red-assed about situations that we already know are going to make us uncomfortable but we still engage in the practice that leaves us feeling ill, bitter, angry, and sore.
Sure, shaving my ass is probably not the best idea in the world but neither is arguing with assholes. I would only need to shave once every few weeks; we argue with the same people that rub us the wrong way every single day.
Don’t shave your ass or argue with assholes. Neither of them is a good solution to whatever is bothering you.
Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,
Beefcake