The scale must be sitting on an uneven surface because it shows me to be about 3 pounds lighter than yesterday. I know better than that. I am not under the delusion that anything comes that quickly. 3lb swings are part of the dance. One benefit of being really heavy and having uneven floors is that the scale can give you drastically exaggerated results often leading to feelings of elation…or self-mutilation.
I didn’t exercise at all yesterday and it killed me. I couldn’t break free from my day job and had to work last night. Today will be different, I have a nice 4 mile run planned and then CrossFit on Friday…hopefully.
I ate pretty decent, kinda. I didn’t eat anything until about 2:30 pm which is part of that “all or nothing- set myself up for failure- try to lose 40lbs by the end of the day- inevitably end up with my face in a pile of cheese fries mentality”.
Yesterday afternoon, I walked into a gas station and was planning to grab some fruit and nuts. Of course, it was there. It is always there. That big hotbox of warm, fried foods held captive inside its perfect glass shadowbox of protection. I get goosebumps just thinking about all of that goodness. When I look through the glass, I observe that the only difference between the color brown and gold is my level of hunger, and everything I was seeing was solid friggin gold.
I was audibly telling myself, “Buy the damned fruits and nuts, you stooge. Get the stuff and get outta here. You posted a blog less than 8 hours ago about your commitment and here you are about ready to cave.” but I was still so torn. The cheese sticks looked so lonely and the pizza puffs seemed so sad. A chicken wing winked at me and a quesadilla blew me a kiss. As I drifted off into a trance, I could hear a Peter Cetera song playing from the roller dog machine. I could hear the song of the Siren, only that song was sung by a taquito.
Dammit, I love to eat.
I bought the fucking peanuts. I ate the godforsaken fruit. I made it through the day but I am not happy about it.
It wasn’t perfect but it’s done.
Here is to Day 2 of the great battle of Captain Puddinsides.
Peace, love and all things Beef related,
Remember – your Dad always spoke about visioning and implementing change for 21 days straight and you will begin living the transition. It’s not the first 30 but the first 21 – look at it that way. You can do it.
Richard, I really appreciate your support, man. It’s funny how real people pop into my head before making good (and bad) decisions.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I love reading your blog, you have a very poetic way of expressing yourself.
Thank you, Tiffany. That is very nice of you to say!
Day 2 and so far so good, sorta. I did just a short walk last night because I was exhausted from an emotional rollercoaster day, BUT because we don’t have any crappy food in the house I didn’t binge. Today I’ve eaten sensible portions of healthy food, but probably a few too many portions. I’m about to go for a walk and I’ll be too busy tonight to crave ice cream. One day at a time.
Jennifer! “So far, so good…sorta” is a HUGE success for me by comparison. I bunch of sorta goods would put is in pretty good shape in the long run, yes? I think so. Let’s do it again tomorrow.
The siren call of the things we’ve decided to deny ourselves… it hits us all in different ways. Here’s to the one-a-time moments when we eat the f-ing peanuts and the god forsaken fruit. These moments add up. Congratulations on Day 1. I’m pulling for you.
Really appreciate your straight up honesty!