Day 9
Weight: 244.5lbs
Fitness: 4mile run. CrossFit date with my smokin-hot wife tonight.
Nutrition: Better than usual. Probably worse than the average person but significantly better than my norm. No awards given.
Attitude: Grateful. Moving right along.

I went for a 6-mile run yesterday. I finished it in 4 miles. It was hot and 6 miles seemed like it should probably be 5 but 5 is such a bad number so I did 4.

I was listening to my headphones and I came across “Santa Monica” by Everclear. I have always loved this song. To me, it is a man singing directly to his addiction while trying to get himself to rehab but his drug continues to gently persuade him to stay awhile and reminds him that they can escape from it all. As the song progresses, the man gets ever more frustrated, angry, and afraid, while the addiction remains persistent, calm, and ever-present.

I know the song of addiction because it sings to me every day. It never goes away. That cliff will always be there and addiction will always be willing to offer me an exciting ride down with the promise of a soft-landing, except for I know who packed the parachute.

Every day, I am reminded of my inability to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Each glance in the mirror or every time I forget to put down the fork, I am tormented by my inability to gain some level of control over my eating habits. Yesterday, however, I was reminded of the many times that I win, the areas where I don’t cave, the behaviors that are not shameful, sometimes maybe teetering on respectable. My journey is not about vanity, although looking better would not be the worst thing in the world, I am on a quest for self-respect. I am in search of the person that my parents tell me they are proud of.  I want to see myself in the way that I see my own children whether they are doing things right or learning lessons the hard way, as we all have a tendency to do.

It’s a journey towards self-respect and I am traveling down the highway of introspection with hopes of picking up discipline and serenity along the way while stopping to look around contentment since I will be in that area.

“With my big black boots and my old suitcase…..🎶🎸🥁🎤”

Peace, love and all things Beef related,

Beefcake