I didn’t sleep well last night. This is unusual for me. Most evenings it’s lights-out, CPAP, press button, good thoughts, and then it’s morning. Last night was much different.

I have some uncertainty regarding my future, which makes me different from every other human being on the planet. Last night, I was alone. I was the first person to suffer from uncertainty and the indecisiveness that comes with it. I would have to explain what this feeling is like, because I feel certain that there have been no documented cases of people experiencing stress due to decisions that need to be made. I am a snowflake. Poor me.

Some people just have the gift of being decisive. They don’t foolishly waste energy wading in the choppy waters of grey. They either stay on-shore, or begin traveling to where the water is more clear. Those people make it all look so easy. I have always admired decisive people.

I don’t really think that decisive people possess anything that I lack, so much as I believe that I posses something a little extra….a little extra freak-out-ed-ness, a drama boost button, a sports car which carries me down the rabbit hole a little further than is ever necessary to travel.

It would be one thing if my indecision was calculated and had a track record of producing results, but it does not. My indecision produces fear and anxiety. It sets the stage for dramatic plays which involve fictional characters and unrealistic endings.

I believe that being decisive is nothing more than knowing when to stop. As humans, we are estimated to make over 30,000 decisions everyday, either consciously or sub-consciously. While I have minimal problems with 29,999 of them, my internal computer gets hung up on one of them, goes green screen, reads syntax error, overheats, and throws me in a loop, causing me to overheat, and eventually crash.

I need to embrace uncertainty.

I need to remember to enjoy life’s big show.

I will decide to be decisive.

I will put in the work.

I will have more faith.

For a guy that gets bored so quickly, I sure do complain a lot about change.

Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,

Beefcake

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