A hornet flew into my living room yesterday. It scared the ever-living hell out of me. This thing must have weighed half a pound. It was striped like a Bengal tiger and had eyes like a shark; it breathed fire as it buzzed and it winked at me upon entering the home.

I freaked.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t take a single, solid breath for at least twenty minutes.

When Hell’s Hornet blew through the back door and into my den, I immediately pounced off of the couch and hauled ass into the dining room. It’s buzzing sounded like a tornado siren. The hornet was flying from window to window, trying to escape wherever it could find light.

I clinched to my laptop and stepped into the den as if I was stepping up to the plate to hit a baseball. I realized what a bad idea this was, so I went and retrieved the flyswatter.  Upon re-evaluating the size of my foe, I knew that I would need a tennis racket more than a flyswatter. I retrieved a towel from the clothes hamper and thought maybe I could use this as my weapon. I thought about calling 911, I thought about lighting the house on fire, I thought about drinking a quart of bleach just to make the problem go away.

This is how I approach all of my problems, initially. My friend refers to it as “implementing the nuclear option.” I panic. I go immediately to worst case scenarios. I spin in circles and look for a way out, not a solution. I look to cut-bait, not strengthen ties. My first instinct is to press the panic button and hand out the cyanide capsules; we are all going down. It has been a fun ride. Tell my mom I love her. Do not miss me when I’m gone. Don’t cry for me Argentina. Have James Franco play me in the movie.

The hornet continued to dive back and forth throughout my den, as I stood in the dining room, watching and intermittently screaming. It occurred to me, that maybe I should breathe. I took some deep breaths, opened the back door as wide as it would go. I waited about thirty seconds, and I watched as the hornet, as well as my biggest problem, flew out the back door.

It’s amazing what a few deep breaths can do. It is baffling how often my problems will find their way out of my life if I just relax and allow them to work themselves out. Its comforting to know that if I take myself out of the equation, there is often very little required of me in finding a solution.

Relax.

Take deep breaths.

Step back.

Whenever possible….

….don’t implement the nuclear option.

Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,

Beefcake

 

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