Dr. Beefcake's Prognosis | Lift Heavy Run Long

Today’s Workout:

Warm-Up Drills

1/2 Mile Light Jog

10X 200M runs with 1:30 rest in between.

I was a little hesitant to exercise today because, my back has been really sore from a combination of deadlifts, and catapulting about 5 kids around a swimming pool about 1,000 times in the last 2 days. However, I really wanted to run today, especially because I had the opportunity to run with Amanda Drogmiller. She is an actual “runner”. Amanda has been finishing in the top places of her age group, as of recent 5K races. She and her husband Chris are competing in various sprint tri-athalons, and she has every intention of making the push to be an elite runner. She is a product of Von Rall’s endurance training. After making it through 6 rounds of 200’s, I was tired and hot, but my body felt great. On the very start of my 7th one, my back felt like a bolt of lightning went through it.

Now, i’m gonna give you a few tidbits of information about Dr. Beefcake, as well as his medical history. First, I am totally full of shit…about everything. I don’t try to be, I just am. I convince myself into thinking that I have the right answers. A friend of my dad’s summed me up perfectly when he said, “I am seldom right…but never in doubt”. In first grade, I convinced myself, and my parents, that I was going blind, because my friend had glasses, and I decided that I would like glasses as well. I even got a note of concern sent home from my Bible teacher. Also, my first year sober, I spent most of my time in bed, googling various health problems that caused me to feel like shit, and only wanting to sleep. What I concluded was that I had about 5 TERMINAL illnesses, ranging from a brain tumor to Thyroid Cancer. All these, while ignoring the fact that it could have had something to do with a decade of constant pill popping, coke snorting, dope smokin, vodka drinkin, and a recent uptick to about 3packs of Marlboro’s a day, coupled with my newfound love of 3am Chocolate Cake and fast food benders. For ten years, if it did not come from a gas station, a liquor store, or a drug dealer….it did not go in my system. I had no problems convincing myself that even after going through all of this, that I have all the answers. So, technically (and by technically, I mean according to me), I am a medical miracle.

Circling back around to today’s injury. I have done some research, combined with my vast history of medical knowledge, along with what I consider to be logical, and my prognosis is this…

“I have an acute dislocation of my #2 lovehandle, combined with the stress of having the “ugly” fall off through strenuous excercise.”

I believe that as the “ugly” was falling out into the street, like a bad transmission, it created an imbalance in my midsection’s gelatinous flow, affecting the ratio of the jiggly to the wiggly. While not critical, it is rather painful, and will require a few days of rest and frustration. Those who do not know me, might suggest a doctor’s opinion, but the rest of you are well aware of my history of good decision making, as well as my propensity to have all the answers. There are very few things for which I do not have an answer. Often, I just need some time to provide an answer, which allows me to believe that I actually know the answer.

I feel so fortunate to be able to see this as “just a setback”, as opposed to the end of the f-cking world…. a complete collapse of everything that I believe, hold to be real, and true…a massive collision of all matter simultaneously, right in the middle of the Apocalypse, and during halftime of the Rapture. I told Von today (not the ever listens to anything that I have to say…ever. He is a coach/programmer, not a therapist….and imma big, whiney baby), that my body and my joints feel so good, that this is no big deal. For months, every moment of each day was terribly painful. That pain has suddenly disappeared and my body is feeling good and strong. After the medical guide’s suggested rest period for a dislocated love handle, then I will be excited to pick right back up where I left off.

Peace, Love, and all things Beef related.

Wilson Horrell