September 4, 2014
I am the laziest person in the world. Period. End of story. There is nothing that you can do, that I can’t do… slower. I like sitting down, but i love reclining. I like relaxing, but I love napping. I like people, but I love people who make me sandwiches. If I could do one thing for the rest of my life, it would be….nothing. Give me a recliner, colostomy bag, and feed me rotel dip intravenously, and I will never complain. The only problem with this is the lack of accomplishment and fulfillment that comes with ass sitting. The only thing I like more than sitting on my ass is getting pats on the back. I love being encouraged and reassured. I need these things. I am a very insecure person, and nothing makes me feel better than a sincere word of encouragement. I am much more verbally and emotionally motivated than I am financially driven. I have had periods of significant financial success, and felt like the loneliest guy on the planet. Today, I lead a lifestyle which does not place importance on as many materialistic things, and I am surrounded by close friends and people who motivate and encourage me throughout all my endeavors. Everything I attempt, in regards to my health and physical well-being, pays off with a sense of accomplishment and a connection with others that is much more valuable to me than money. I did a 6.5 mile run with Amanda Drogmiller on Sunday, and I expressed, not only the possibility, but also the desire of my dying right there in the road. I made her promise me 2 things:
1.To tell my children that I love them.
2. To post it on Facebook, so others might tell me “good job”even after my death.
Pretty pitiful, I know, but I get a lot from encouragement. My life today is an unlimited supply of encouragement from a broad spectrum of people. I see a great number of people who workout in their garage, or are disciplined enough to go to an empty gym by themselves. This just aint me. If I get to the box, and I am the only guy in a class…PEACE. Im out. I remember my first week of CrossFit, and I went to the gym on a Sunday, which was Open Gym. I asked Von, “what do I do?”, to which he replied, “it’s Open Gym. You can do what you want”. My reply? “Holler at your boy. Ill see yall Monday”, and I went home. I am dependent upon the energy of others. I like big, loud, angry, and energetic classes, the kind where you can see the hurt, and feel the confidence building. I like the classes where you can watch someone overcome a label that was given to them 15 years ago, whose body language says, “you know what? Fu*k that muther fu*ker…my life begins now”, as they, not only drop a barbell, but slam it to the ground, with their chest sticking out and their head held high. I like the kind of class where you watch someone perform in such a way, that you know they will never be the same. I like the workouts when you watch someone finally get over that hump, that hump that she has been trying to get over since the birth of her first child, or the hump that he has been trying to get over since he took to the couch after college. I like the workouts where you can see her finally understand that the ex boyfriend, or husband that said she was small or unattractive, is a douchebag who is not worth the space in her mind, and the guy whose first wife cheated on him realizes that it was because she is a slut and nothing else. I like the workouts where a person realizes that it was there all along, they just chose to listen to the wrong people. I like it when a member decides that they way they feel about themselves, and allow others to treat them is NOT ok, and that sh*t is about to come to a screeching fu*kinghault, like right now. It is the workouts when someone realizes that who they are, and who they want to be are the same person, moving forward, starting now. Whatever it is, the next day that man or woman is beginning a happier, more confident life, and there is no person, memory, fear, or insecurity that is gonna stop them. That sh*t is REAL, and that sh*t happens, and that sh*t is tangible, and that sh*t gets me fu*king HIGH. That person might be 100 pounds or 400 pounds, the barbell might be 50pounds or 500pounds, but it makes no difference to anyone in the class, because when that light turns on in a member’s eyes, there aint no turning it off. Everyone feeds on each others’ overcoming of life’s obstacles.
Being that I am ADD, and not on medication (because it often found itself going through a straw and into my nostrils), I have a hard time focusing on anything for very long. However, I spent most of my running workout on Tuesday in deep thought. As I was doing some 400M intervals, I asked myself, “does this ever get easier?”. The answer that I deduced was…NO. I concluded that none of this sh*t is getting easier, but that I am becoming more accepting of the pain and discomfort that is included with it. I don’t know that anything in my life really gets “easier”, past a certain point, but the more I perform particular tasks, the more I accept that they are just parts of life that I need to contend with, if I am going to be happy. Getting out of bed in the morning is never going to be easy for me, but I accept that I must do it if I am going to receive God’s gifts that are waiting for me everyday, even if that gift happens to be a pile of dog shit on the bottom of my shoe, or some asshole who wont let me over. I have to accept that I have to get out there and take the good with the bad. I realize that if I am going to get the pats on the back, the reassurance, or the euphoria of accomplishment, than I have to get out there and at least try to accomplish a few things, in some realm. I have to attack my goals, and accept that failure is inevitable, at some point, as is success. There is no aspect in my life upon which I have not failed. I have failures in business, parenting, marriage, family, and personal relationships. This does not make failure easier, but accepting that those things are in the past, and that I am moving forward, certainly does. I was watching John Brown blaze through a grueling workout, while being coached by Mike McGoldrich. Mike is a specimen, an actual professional CrossFitter, at the national level, and also a very humble and helpful dude, who is always willing to share advice and encouragement. While John was literally yelling in agony, while on the rower, Mike said, “just remember its ONLY pain that you are feeling. Just accepts that its going to be painful and will go away when its over”. Honestly, my first thought was that I should slam a barbell across the back of his head for saying something so incredibly stupid, except for the fact that he would have taken said barbell, crammed it up my ass, and turned me into beef on a stick. That comment has stuck with me for months now, and I understand where he is coming from. It is really that simple, if I can remember not to complicate it. When things become easy, I am less likely to do them, and certainly less likely to experience any real pleasure from them. I am trying to do a better job of understanding that pain is only pain, fear is only fear, and failure is only failure. I would also like to understand and accept why Pitbull is allowed to live free and record bullsh*t, but thats a different topic. Ok. Whatever. Y’all have a good day. Try something new today, and if you fu*k it up, remember, chances are, your buddy Beefcake has fu*ked it up WAY worse.
Peace, Love, and all things Beef related