January 24, 2016
OVERCOMING FEAR AND GAINING ENERGY
Good morning. How you doing? Good to see you. I’m glad you’re here. Yesterday morning, Amanda and I were sitting in the walk-in clinic in hopes of finding some relief for her recent affliction of cough and sinus problems. I took a moment to be grateful for not only my health, but the overall health of my family. While it sucks that Amanda is sick, we recognize that we have educated doctors with sterile facilities, and good insurance to get her well. I am so thankful for my health and the energy that I have today. While I am not a raging ball of boundless energy, I do wake up in the morning with a positive attitude and an intense curiosity of what the universe has in store for me, each and every day. Most of my life I have taken some sort of speed, or relied on some kind of synthetic to provide me with energy. Having been drug free for about four and a half years, my brain and body are FINALLY catching up and providing the energy that I need to enjoy everything that life has to offer, naturally. I have found that any of the energy that I borrow synthetically, must be paid back with interest….and that sh*t sucks. As I sat in the clinic’s waiting room, I started thinking about all the things that provide me with wholesome, healthy energy. I decided that I want to do a better job of focusing on my natural and abundant energy reserves.
My diet is one of the more obvious areas that I find energy (or lethargy). When I eat like crap, I feel like crap. I know this, but it doesn’t stop me from buying a ticket on the Sh*tfood Express. My regular sleep hours, I believe, help me tremendously. I’m generally in bed by 8:30pm, and I wake up between 4am-6am, depending on whether I go to the gym or not. Crossfit provides me with the juices I need to overcome, and actually enjoy many of the obstacles that I face on a daily basis. When I reflect on my past history, I find that most of my energy is simply based around my attitude. My optism (or pessimism) generally sets the tone for the rest of my day. So I make it a point to put a copious amount of focus into how I start my day. Waking up with the awareness that I have good friends and family who care about me, along with the faith that the day ahead is going to be unique, exciting, and provide opportunity to make other peoples lives better is where I find the sweet spot of the energy fruit. The knowledge that I had so many years of feeling so anxious, afraid, and unhappy, compared with the life I have know, which is generally relaxed, positive, and mostly fun, all was built on a foundation of an attitude adjustment. This is enough to keep me curious and excited throughout most days. Throughout all of this, I began thinking about my writing and the energy it provides. When I produce a blog post, I feel refreshed and excited, and at the same time fearful and insecure. I’m perpetually afraid of people laughing at my thoughts, and being riduculed for my stupidity, which is exaclty why I have decided to do more of it.
My intent is to begin posting a blog entry on most days, or 3-4 days per week. I want to tap into the energy source that it creates, while at the same time facing my insecuritites and fear of ridicule. One of my favorite quotes reads as follows:
“It has been my philosophy of life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly.”–Isaac Asimov
So, my experiment is to see if I can reap the rewards of writing, from the standpoint of energy and adrenaline, while at the same time conquering the feelings of inadequacy and stupidity that plague me every time I sit down to do something that provides me with equal parts happiness, fulfillment, and fear. If I continue to do this over the coming months, then I will consider my quest to be successful, otherwise I am a big fat tub of bologna (just kidding, I won’t get carried away.)
My biggest problem is believing that I need to find something deep and profound for which to write. My ego tells me that people actually invest a significant amount of time scanning line-by-line for grammatical errors and misquotes, which will arm them for when they attack me personally, publicly, and intellectually…and that is FU*KED UP (ask Amanda, she will tell you..my noodle comes up with some weird beliefs). I want to simply write what is going on in my head, and in my day. I will use this as a period of reflection and meditation. Hopefully, it will provide me with a zen-like experience, as my friend Doug is currently practicing meditation to become a spiritual giant, and I will be damned if he experiences enlightenment before i do. In the meantime, I hope each of you enjoys your day as much as I plan to enjoy mine.
Peace, Love, and all things Beef related.