I get inspected every year by the Department of Agriculture for my license to handle pesticides. For fifteen years I have gone through the same inspections, for fifteen years I felt sure that I was going to lose my license and they were going to shut me down….for fifteen years I have not had a single write-up, penalty, or fine. At the very most, I have been told to update a record or alter how I recorded data.
Inspections make me feel like it is ME Vs. THEM. Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that authority is here only to punish and take away, not help keep me safe.
I think I categorize an inspection as an opportunity for someone to judge the way that I conduct business and as someone who is relatively insecure, I get defensive quickly and feel that I am going to be criticized.
When I think about the times that I have been most angry with certain individuals, it seems as if I have had the same feelings with them that I do with inspectors. I am quick to believe that I am being judged, scored, or ridiculed when often people are just wanting an understanding of how I do things.
I often confuse someone trying to keep me safe with being told what to do or attempting to rule over me.
It’s strange to think about how much stress I put into being inspected and how much animosity I have when I feel judged considering that I have never been fined, written up, or punished by anyone in this position.
Insecurity and fear have a way of clouding reality. Often something that is meant to be helpful can look like the enemy if I don’t understand its function.
Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,