I just went for a 3.6-mile run. I am a few weeks post knee surgery and I had to get out and run. I couldn’t take it anymore.
Two days ago, I walked a mile with my brace. I was pretty shaky but I got it done. Yesterday, I walked 2 miles without a brace and today I was able to muster up a jog-like motion for over three miles.
Would my doctor approve of my actions?
No, of course not, but I couldn’t stand to live with the reality of my circumstances any longer. I was so tired of the way things are right now. The fact that I cannot run like most everyone else or cannot participate in the activities the way that I feel like I should be able is frustrating.
Is my behavior likely to be more harmful than helpful?
Perhaps. But I am just so fucking sick of sitting around waiting for this damn knee to get better that I don’t care if it sets me back or not. I am fed up.
Does acting in an impatient manner and aggressively trying to recover faster than a logical person should try to recover potentially affect more people than just myself?
Of course. If I push too hard and reinjure myself than my family is forced to live with the burden of my frustration and potential extension of extra care that I could possibly need as a consequence. Yes, there are also employees who rely on my ability to function and I am risking their livelihood as well. And, I need not forget my customers, I have a responsibility to them and a commitment to keep. Truthfully though, I don’t care about any of that when I am angry. I don’t feel like I am alone in this regard. I think the medical explanation for this sort of response falls inline with the human condition. And yes, I suffer from the human condition just like everyone else.
So, why would I act so illogically? Why would I behave in a way that is contrary to reason and advice of others?
The answer is that I am fed up with my situation. I am frustrated that each day, I am unable to do the things that I should be able to do. Every day is another day that I feel left behind and disadvantaged.
The truth is that when I feel pinned up, disadvantaged or my freedoms feel threatened, I respond. I act out. I do things that maybe you wouldn’t understand because I am angry. I don’t think this makes me an outlier.
Keep in mind, this is a knee that we are talking about. I am acting out over an elective surgery. I am angry about a self-induced oppression that I placed upon myself. I volunteered for this. I paid for this. I signed a paper stating that all of the things happening to me were going to happen….and I am still pissed off about it.
I can’t imagine my frustration if the restrictions of even a minimally invasive knee surgery were placed upon me without my control. I can’t even begin to wonder how I would respond if my parents and grandparents and friends and children were being forced to go through a knee surgery or any type of procedure that placed them at a disadvantage for any amount of time. I cannot even fathom what I would do if everyone around me was forced to have the same procedure that I just had simply because they are my friends and family. And I certainly don’t want to think about how I would respond if one of my loved ones did not wake up from the knee surgery and lost their life simply because they were forced to go through different methods because they were part of my circle.
Would it be fair to say that if my present circumstances, limitations, and actions were bestowed upon my friends and family simply because they were my friends and family that I would react aggressively, passionately, violently and without regard for my future or the future of those around me?
You are goddamn fucking right I would.
Keep in mind, I am talking about a 40 minute, minimally invasive knee surgery. I would hate to think about how I might behave if the circumstances were more lasting and intense.
Peace, Love and all things Beef related,