I use to take fistfuls of painkillers at once. If I didn’t have the Oxycontin or Percocet, it was necessary for me to take 10-12 Lortab in order to kickoff the day. My breakfast drink was either a screwdriver, Twisted Tea, or vodka with my coffee.

I would get these sharp pains in my lower back that would paralyze me momentarily. I never really paid them much attention because they would always go away within a matter of a few minutes. I was told that the pain was coming from my kidneys, which was most likely brought on by the excessive amounts of acetaminophen I was taking.

I never paid a lot of attention to my kidney pain. It started pretty early on in my addiction and grew at about the same rate as the rest of my problems. I basically accepted the pain as something that was part of the package. The discomfort in my kidneys was no different than the discomfort that came with getting out of bed in the morning or brushing my teeth or making my bed.

The shooting pain in my kidneys had just blended into my world and became part of my life. I didn’t really try to change it and so I just accepted it for what it was. The feeling had been around for so long and the intensity gradually got worse at such a slow rate that it was hard for me to see how uncomfortable it made me.

Relationships can be very similar to kidney pains. I find that it is often necessary for me to inventory how I feel after I have a conversation or spend time with a friend or family member. Many times, I have felt that because I have a long relationship with an individual that I have to endure the discomfort or anger that I experience when speaking with them. On too many occasions I have felt like I have an obligation to absorb the sarcastic jabs or be the target of the passive-aggressive punches simply because I have a history with an individual.

That is not the case. I don’t owe anyone anything and I am certainly not obligated to be an object of someone else’s unhappiness.

Sometimes it is hard to tell what really causes the discomfort until I pause and take a good look around. Often times the pain goes away when you remove the pills or the person.

Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,

Beefcake

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