I am lost 100% of the time. All the time, lost. I don’t know where I am going, I don’t know what you are talking about, and I don’t know what was just said. I was busy being lost.

If I am taking a route anywhere outside of my couch to my refrigerator, I don’t know how to get there. If I am behind the wheel of a car, I have my hand tightly clasped around my phone with my GPS running. I have been driving the same routes at work for fifteen years and I still need assistance in finding them. If you tell me when to turn, it has to be stated within a one-quarter mile distance of said turn, or else I will forget. I have Siri tell me how to get home even if I am driving back from my mom or dad’s house, who live twenty minutes away, in the same town I grew up in.

I cannot comprehend oral instructions involving turns or landmarks. Like the conversation that goes,

“You know where Best Buy is, right?”

Me: “No.”

“It’s over by Winchester and Hacks, you know where that is.”

Me: “No”

“If you go down blah blur blur, and take a whatever, then you whawahwahh…”

Eventually, I will give in and just agree. “Oh yeah! Sure, sure, sure, I know where you are talking about.” It is like a game of verbal Mercy where the only way to get out of playing is to give-in and agree.

During every conversation, there is a point in time in which I lose focus and forget where I am. I get lost in the words and drift off to another thought which undoubtedly pulls me away.

Feeling lost is not a problem for me. It doesn’t scare me. I don’t wish it was different. It is just a feeling.

I have lots of feelings. I am not sure why I can so readily identify being lost as nothing more than a feeling and deal with it in such a casual way, but I can’t do the same with anger, resentment, depression, and envy. I spend so much time trying to place the blame on other people’s actions or different life scenarios that I lose sight of the fact that all of my emotions are only feelings; they are only as real as I allow them to be.

Being lost? Well, that’s no problem. It’s just the way that I am. I have accepted that and I spend zero time concerned with it.

Being angry or depressed? Well, that is because something that you did or a card that life has dealt me. I will agonize and stress and blame gossip in an effort to convince myself that someone else is responsible for this feeling.

Most of my problems don’t need solving so much as they need a light shined on them. The majority of my unhappiness is because I lack awareness of my internal situation because I am busy placing blame on the external environment.

Get lost.

Allow yourself to be.

Enjoy all of it.

Have a great day.

Peace, Love and all things Beef related,

Beefcake

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