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Beefcake #11

I’m a cheater. I always have been. I don’t actively cheat at this stage of my life, but cheating is definitely inside of me. I have always cut corners and searched for the easy way. I read step one and then step five, if I  understand step five, I continue from there. I behave as if I don’t really value education and tend to feel that I won’t really have a use for it. It is almost as if the rules don’t apply to me. My strategy of not having a plan has not played out according to plan. As it turns out, that dog really does bite.

I don’t like rules, I never have. I feel confined, intimidated, and frustrated by them. I see rules as authority talking down to me. I don’t like being told what to do, and breaking the rules is my way of saying this. Amanda follows the rules. My brother follows the rules. My mom follows the rules. My dad…well, let’s move on. My kids follow the rules. And, they seem to make life look easier than I ever did. Recently, Amanda, my mom, and myself were discussing rules and my disdain for them. My mom made the comment,

“I have always been a rule follower. I feel as if the rules were designed to keep me safe. I have a respect for them.”

This really stopped me in my tracks. I have not really thought about rules in this regard. I have not stopped to think exactly why conventional wisdom, is conventional and wise. Rules are generally made by using mistakes of the past to make life easier, not more difficult. I just have always had a hard time seeing where following the rules and doing the work was really going to have a payout. I guess I like having rules, so long as it is only me who breaks them. I don’t want to live in a lawless society, because I like being safe. I guess I only really like misbehaving, when everyone else is acting right. It must be the attention I crave.

I mean, “what are the chances that I will ever need any of this stuff again?”. That has been the focal point of my illogical logic. What are the chances?

Well, in fourth grade, I procrastinated in doing my stupid leaf collection until the last minute. The day before it was due, I stole one out of my brother’s room that had already been turned in and graded. I was delicately peeling the tape off of the construction paper, so I could transfer the leaf to new paper, with no markings. My mom knocked on the door, and I was busted. I spent the majority of the next morning in a puddle of tears while standing between my mom and my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Bailey, because my mom made me fess up. BTW- I turned out to have a career in landscape. The knowledge of tree identification would have sure been useful.

On numerous occasions, I spent more time programming answers into my TI-82 calculator or writing in tiny letters and cramming it into the back slot, than I ever would have if I simply studied for the test. But, nah, I’ll cut the corner. I got busted cheating on my health test in ninth grade and caused me and my best friend to have a falling out. I could have studied for it, but I was never gonna need to know anything about health. As it goes, I am co-owner of a business titled, Lift Heavy Run Long. It wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world to know a little about health and how the body works.

In college, as the internet was still very, very new, I discovered a website that allowed you to download papers that had already been graded. The papers would show the student’s grade received, as well as the teacher’s comments. I had an assignment of writing a paper for my Freshman English class, and I was extremely intimidated. I probably spent three hours looking through papers on the cheating website, when I could have written the thing in two hours. I found a grade that was a B-, which was about what I thought the teacher would expect. It turns out, it was a high school paper and it earned me a D+ in college. As luck would have it, I could have used a bit of education in English, seeing as how I spent a good bit of my time blogging. My lack of grammatical knowledge kicks me in the teeth on an almost daily basis.

I’m relearning, by learning to learn. I have gone from knowing everything, to coming to the awareness that I know nothing. I have become teachable and I am excited to learn. In every area, from parenting to writing to training, I am opening myself up in that areas that I was once closed. I am in no way saying that I am going to start being an overly compliant person, but I am willing to learn some new things the easy, through following some rules and taking instructions. I hope that this will helps to straighten out some of the bumps, and allow the bruises some time to heal, cause my folks were right, that dog will come around to bite.

Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,

Beefcake

My name is Wilson Horrell, aka “Beefcake”.  I’m a junkie turned sober that found CrossFit, running, and community to be my new addiction. I have no education or experience as a writer, and almost zero knowledge of grammar. I love sitting in front of a computer and spitting it out on paper as it goes through my brain. I hope you enjoy reading, and feel free to reach out or comment at anytime!

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