I love to drink. I enjoy the ease and comfort associated with it. I can do it for days at a time, and never get enough. I get a kick out of popping pills, snorting coke and smoking weed. I believe that if they held week long endurance races of drinking and getting high, I would be a world champion and have sponsors knocking down my door (see what I did there? Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
Today marks the six year anniversary of my sobriety. It has been six years without a drink of alcohol or any other mood altering substance. My life has become infinitely more incredible than I ever dreamed possible, but that doesn’t mean that I am not entirely capable of pulling the lynchpin of contentment and suffering a relapse that would shoot it all to hell in epic fashion. People like myself are notorious for making quick demolition of seemingly stable houses built upon sobriety.
Recently, my aunt came to visit from Portland, OR. While sitting on the couch and reminiscing about the past, she asked me the question,
“Wilson, do you ever have the desire to drink or do any of the other stuff?”
My answer was pretty straight-forward. I replied,
“Yes. Every single day. Not a day goes past that I don’t have at least a bit of a desire to take a drink or a drug. However, I also have a desire to get on stage with Jimmy Buffet, fly an airplane, and rob a bank. And, so far, I have not sang Cheeseburger in Paradise, ridden in any cockpits, or pulled off any heists.”
I guess the point that I was trying to convey is that I have a great deal of illogical thoughts, but I have been afforded an opportunity to embrace my strange desires and obsessions, while not feeling the need to follow through with every bad idea I ever have. I don’t see my daily desire to drink and drug as a curse, but I very much appreciate it’s blessing.
To have desire, in my opinion, is a wonderful thing. I know what it is like to have my only desire be to go back to bed. I feel that in order to have desire, you have to have at least some degree of energy, and there was a time when energy was the only thing that I wanted in this world. I don’t know if there is any single thing in this world more valuable to me than desire. Having passion and having drive is what makes all of this so interesting.
If someone told me that they could take away my desire to drink, but it would also affect, in any way, my desire to wake up and approach life with vigor, I would not even entertain the thought. Having desire, having passion, and having drive, on any level, in any form, to me, is one of God’s greatest gifts.
The burn that comes with want. The obsession that comes with desire. The focus that comes with the feeling of need. I don’t think that you can expect to have any of these gifts without having the possibilities of some negative consequences, if not properly cared for.
I’m grateful for the desire. I’m grateful for those around me who help me harness it, encourage it, channel it, grow it, and help to focus it on the things which benefit me and the people around me.
My problems are merely situations which are generally viewed through a distorted and biased lens. When I put it all into focus, I have been offered a marvelous life.
Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,