“I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.”-Unknown

Dr. Jerome Motto recalls a former patient, whom in the 1970’s, had jumped to his death from the Golden Gate Bridge. He left behind a suicide letter which read, “I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.” While the mental problems of this particular patient are unknown, I think that the statement is pretty impactful. I take great pleasure in the knowledge that just a smile can be so powerful. The reason for this is that often times a sincere smile is all that I have to offer. You see, I am not an overly talented person. It is a miracle that I make it out of my house with pants on in the morning (my FedEx guy knows, but this is a long embarrassing story). I am generally forgetful, and I don’t stay focused on any one thing for very long. I do not possess any one “skill” or “trade” that would set me aside from the competition. I am not athletic, and I am not overly knowledgeable in any sought after field. However….I know how to smile, and sometimes a smile along with a warm hello can be as valuable as anything else.

Upon awakening at 4am this morning, I fought the usual urge to stay in the bed. With Amanda being sick, it was quite lonely getting ready to go to the gym. I always enjoy bothering her in the mornings, as she adjusts to the light and I am buzzing around with excitement. The best part of my day is early in the morning. I can be incredibly obnoxious, but it beats staying in bed until noon, while feeling sorry for myself. I have lived that life as well. I don’t like doing things alone, but I knew that there would be people at the gym to bother. As I was driving to CrossFit, I started thinking about the times when I have felt like the suicide victim. I know that lonely, helpless, dogged out feeling all too well. The fact that I know this feeling is what makes my everyday so special. I do not see problems in the same light as I had previously. I have what a friend of mine referred to as “Cadillac Problems”, “Problems of Plenty”, “the kind of problems that people with real problems would have no problem having”….and today, I am FULLY aware of this.

I was driving in my POS 1998 Chevy Suburban, and thinking about how fortunate I am to have a vehicle. Not only do I have a vehicle, but to have nice roads for which to drive that vehicle. I started thinking about some bills that we have to pay for the house, and I remembered how fortunate I am to own a home. We recently had a hot water heater blow out. When the nice lady at Home Depot conveyed that she understands how frustrating that can be, we both agreed that if we didn’t have running water, and a roof over our heads, we would not have to worry about hot water heaters. When you don’t have a set of tires, you don’t have problems with flats, and when you have no walls, the air conditioner is seldom broke, and when you have no food, dinner is almost never overcooked. My problems today are merely situations, which I perceive to be problems. A problem ceases to be, the moment I decide to remove the label. Often times, I will over-dramatize things, but usually I can reel it back in within a reasonable amount of time, and  the help of a listening ear.

So today my goal is this, try to keep as many people from jumping off bridges as possible. I will maintain a positive attitude and smile at as many people as possible, while trying to not look like some sort of demented idiot. I’m going to enjoy the energy that I was given upon awakening, the energy I was given from CrossFit, the energy I receive from this blog, and the energy that is given to me simply by making an effort to be appreciative and grateful. I am going to skip the part where I concern myself with being fat, outta shape, balding, stupid, dumb, unwealthy, and unsuitable, cause that has not historically provided me with much energy at all. Belittling certainly doesn’t help me from keeping others from jumping off bridges. Y’all enjoy your day, cause its gonna be a good one.

Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,


My name is Wilson Horrell, aka “Beefcake”.  I’m a junkie turned sober that found CrossFit, running, and community to be my new addiction. I have no education or experience as a writer, and almost zero knowledge of grammar. I love sitting in front of a computer and spitting it out on paper as it goes through my brain. I hope you enjoy reading, and feel free to reach out or comment at anytime!

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