My brand of my personality only comes in two colors: tolerant and intolerant.
Sure, there is a period in between the two, when patience is lost, and the tide turns from being level-headed to seemingly off of my meds, but that window closes quickly.
Tolerance and intolerance.
Patience and rage.
Acceptance and anger.
Understanding and confusion.
As Amanda and I sat in front of our respective computers, we were seemingly in a competition to see who could pull their hair out the fastest. We were both working on separate tasks, but were in the same maddened hurry to get nowhere. The phone was ringing, the emails were dinging, and the computer programs were not cooperating. Nothing was working right. No sooner than I could get going one direction, I was being pulled in another. One moment of attention was diluted with ten minutes of chaos. I couldn’t decide if I should break my computer or beat one of the children. The TV seemed like a good thing to smash; that would get my point across. I was pissed and I needed everyone to know it.
I had become intolerant of the world around me, and with this intolerance comes a desire to demonstrate that I am a victim. Sure, Amanda was having some problems, but they were not as real as mine. She would would figure out her situation- she always does. My problems were going to fester and grow until I reach the front page of the newspaper as “The Dumbest Guy Alive”, just before spontaneously combusting from such a high degree of ignorance.
I’m not sure why I feel the need to express my intolerance. I don’t know why it is important for you to know that I have lost my cool. I have no idea why I needed Amanda to feel that my level of intolerance was greater than hers. I don’t understand why I feel that there needs to be an outward demonstration of an internal feeling.
I guess it’s just a desire to be understood.
I assume it’s part of the human condition.
***No computers were broken, televisions shattered, or children beaten in the events leading up to this blog.***
Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,