I am the world’s worst carpenter. There is no one crappier at woodworking than me. Even though I grew up watching the legendary, almost mythical workings of Bill Shelton, I simply suck eggs at fixing things with wood in them. This last Sunday morning was just more unnecessary evidence to remind me of how bad I actually am at performing  projects around the house.

My day was planned perfectly. Sunday morning would involve waking up, going to church, meal prepping, running a mile, doing the LHRL Weekly Challenge, participate in a running clinic, hanging a door to Grayson’s room, and sitting on my ass for the rest of the day. Everything would be finished by about 2:30, with the exception of hanging Grayson’s bedroom door. I kept expressing my dread of the door-hanging to Amanda, who repeatedly assured me that it would be a piece of cake. I had already purchased the door, complete with pre-drilled door knob holes. Amanda saw this as 5 minute project,I saw it as a life problem which would carry on to the next generation of Horrell’s…the truth lay somewhere in the middle.

Like every other “simple project” I begin, I was aware that it would be ANYTHING but simple. I have tinkered on enough things in my life to know that there are no simple-fixes. If there is “some assembly required”, it’s gonna be a bitch, and most likely requires an engineering background. If it has a picture of a lady doing the assembly on the box…you better call NASA, or at least plan on taking a week off of work. I once saw two tents in Wal-Mart, prior to an overnight camping trip with my son. One tent said, “Sleeps eight people, and sets up in 10 minutes” for $100, the other tents said, “sleeps 10 people, and sets up in 7 minute minutes” for $150. I went with the $150, because I view assembly minutes in terms of hours.

This door would be no different than any of the countless other “fixer-upper” projects, which I have attempted before. There was NOTHING that went correctly. My drill broke, the previous door had been altered (meaning I had to alter the new door), the frame was jacked up, and the lock cavity was completely stripped. It was pretty much every disaster that I have come to expect from any project which I am a participant. This is why I was able to laugh it off. I told Amanda at one point, “Grayson is about one bad cut away from having a shower curtain installed as a bedroom door.” Things were just not going my way, but they were going in just about the way that I would expect. All the better, I was home with my beautiful wife enjoying some laughs as I trounced up and down the stairs, at least two dozen times, each with a different perplexed look on my face, some form of a curse word, or sometimes a wave of optimism. Either way, she appreciated my efforts, which was the only real important thing to me.

I am well aware of the fact that there are qualified individuals who could help me with my door project, but that is not what I was looking for. I was simply looking to hang a door, or provide some sort of structure to provide Grayson a place to hang his basketball goal, which his grand parents sent him for his birthday. I was doing a half-ass job, but I was doing it whole-heartedly. I would not stop until Grayson had a place to rest his basketball goal. The functioning of the door was secondary to the need of a place to mount his basketball hoop. I was aware of my abilities, my shortcoming, my expectations, and the result which would most likely be produced.

I’m not really sure that anyone wants to go into a project or situation knowing that they are going to do a half-assed job, but I do find some freedom in knowing on the front end that I only have the knowledge and qualifications to achieve these kinds of results. It saves a lot of self-ridicule and pouting. Anytime I attempt something, new or otherwise, it is important that I take inventory of exactly what I should expect my results to be, and exactly what facts I used to conjure up my expectations. I need and want to avoid being frustrated whenever possible.

There are countless examples of times when I have pitched a hissy fit because I did not get the results that I wanted, very few of these were based on realistic expectations. The majority of the time that I receive half-assed results is because I put in a half-ass effort. I don’t necessarily believe that a half-ass effort is such a bad thing, depending on the application, but I think that the frustration, self-defeatism, sadness, and overall bad attitude that comes with half-assed results is where I need to be careful. I want to make it a point to enjoy as many things as possible. With each thing that I try, there will be results, in some form or fashion. I want to be conscious of using the results as a measuring stick towards the improvements I want to make in the future….not as a beating stick, used to flail my self-esteem. If I want big-ass results, I need to put in whole-ass efforts, otherwise the pouting and sulking is just an inconvenience for the people around me.

Peace, Love, and all things Beef related,


My name is Wilson Horrell, aka “Beefcake”. At heart, I am a total fat guy, drunken junkie, 3 packs-of-cigarettes-a-day-lover, and addict of all things unhealthy. I reached rock-bottom back in the Summer of 2011 and began making some much needed changes in my life. I am a big, lazy animal who joined Olive Branch CrossFit, started hanging with the crowd at LHRL, and watched my life and daily habits change. I started blogging as a way to journal my fitness, and it has turned out to be very therapeutic. I have found that my life is enhanced by community, and I am at my happiest when I am interacting with other people. I have a beautiful and incredibly intelligent wife, Amanda, as well as two wonderfully gifted children, Grayson and Andie Kate. I have no education or experience as a writer, and almost no knowledge of grammar. I just enjoy spitting it out on paper as it goes through my brain. I hope you enjoy reading, and feel free to reach out or comment at anytime! wilson@liftheavyrunlong.com

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